I’ve been thinking about time. When is the right time to do something, or not do something? I don’t have enough time, I hear and say that a lot, or at least I used to. I don’t have enough time, it’s usually said when I don’t want to do something, a way out, an excuse, when I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or have to explain myself. And sometimes it’s true I don’t have the time now, but I could have the time later. And that’s all I would have to say, not now maybe later. How I used to twist myself to fit the schedules of others, to accommodate a client because their emergency has now become my problem. I want to march to the beat of my own drum. Hmmmm, my beat.
I am public now, well my blog is public now, allowing my beat to be seen and heard by others. I’m trying to feel what this means to me. There is a sensation running through me, it just feels like space, lots of space, lots of air but not the kind that makes me light, it’s heavy, I feel heavy. No, I feel solid, well rooted yet filled with space. I feel as though I’m stepping into my own space, still getting comfortable with the whole notion of Self. Am I able to occupy more space than what my ‘body’ holds? It’s my vessel, my container, it allows me to interact, and I am thought and energy too, my fingers are pulsating. Are they? Or is it the energy within me that is pulsating and my body is allowing me to feel the sensation of the pulsation? Is it the energy that is vibrating, my vibration that I am now aware of? I need to sit and explore this, something is just around the corner, just out of my sight and I think I’m getting closer.