Life has been taking shape for me over the last three months. It started with the huge wave that took place in Naomi’s Decloaking and living authentically in Halifax in September. The realization that came to me was I considered my Self not worth it. Not worth anyone’s time, effort, love, take your pick. And I thought, “how could I not know that?” How could I not know that is the belief that I carried inside of me when I have been on this intense journey of self discovery for the past two years?
My answer, to my Self is… only when I am ready to discover something will it emerge into my awareness. And it all makes sense, all of the strategies I had been running up to this point. Also realizing that the four year old was the one running the show. I have written about defiance and only now is it clear, the defiance I had with my Self… This past week-end we had our Affiliate gathering and the words/question that resonated through me “Am I willing to demand the life I deserve for my Self?” WOW… demand of my Self, immediately my intellect, the four year old takes over with “No one demands anything from me!” Not even me! There it is; the double bind, not only can no one outside of me demand anything from me I cannot demand anything of my Self either. So I remain in the same state, nothing really changes. Except for this time. This time I ‘see’ it.
