Above and Below

I’m a little all over the map, there is a lot of stuff rumbling in me from experiences from the last few days, be patient, something is trying to get my attention.

I had an interesting experience yesterday. Actually I have  interesting experiences everyday. I had a conversation with Sheila and Louise two days ago about moving into something different, and again it’s about the trust in myself to know that I can do something without having to depend upon th external referencing. It still tugs at me from time to time, even though I know I can do it. Whatever ‘it’ is.

So yesterday I facilitated a workshop and at the end two of the women approached me to be their mentor/coach for the remainder of the duration of the program. WOW, I panicked, I fell into the habituated ritual of thinking I can’t do that! I don’t have enough experience, I’m not a certified coach yet! And then I took a breath, a simple breath, that allowed me to KNOW that I can do whatever I set out to do because this is MY holographic universe. Again the words echoing from the conversation with Sheila and Louise. So I said yes. Yes to the women, and yes to mySelf. Yes to the potential that I am not aware of yet, that is unfolding daily presenting itself in ways so subtle and yet so profound.

My dreams are speaking to me again, showing me something that I can’t quite make out. Last night I dreamed I was back at the Montreal Children’s, and this morning I thought what is that a metaphor for? I often dream I am back there again when I am about to take a leap. It is my refuge, the place I go to because that is where it all began, that is where I started to get a glimps of knowing who I was, testing things, being me. This time it was different, things had changed physically, the space was different yet the same, yet the feelings of being home in me were the same and it moved me. I cried in my dream, I’ve never done that. My body is now reacting on different planes, not the ones that fly, the ones that co-exist within us.

And another conversation last night, one that left me feeling hopeful and frustrated. Three women sitting around talking, on our own journey’s standing alone yet not alone. Seeing myself in the other two. Knowing exactly what they are experiencing and trying to frame it in a way that reflected my experience, which at times is sometimes frustrating, because sometimes people don’t get my truth.  And it’s not for them to get. It’s for me to get. It’s always to a message to me. It’s all about MY TRUTH. and knowing as long as I ‘get it’  is all that matters, and standing strong in that. The subtle hint of the need for external referencing, of needing, wanting others to get it. Let it go. I got it when I was ready so I have to believe others will too.

I feel the pulsations in my fingers, life at the most basic level, MY LIFE, reconnected and feeling it all.