It’s been a while, and it’s not that I have not had things rumbling around inside of me, just not enough for me to write about. Things move very quickly for me now, often times using words is too slow. Something comes up, I acknowledge the sensation, breathe, let it move and I go on living my life. And a theme has been coming up in my last few gatherings, we’ve talked about letting go, what it means to BE me, and my upcoming conversation will be on what will it take to engage? How much agitation does it take in my body for me to choose differently?
Change and choice, two very different words, yet for me, they carry the same vibration, that of fear. Change means doing something different from what I know. Choice is choosing something different from what I know. Both mean my life will be different. Am I ready? Am I ready to see what lies behind that curtain or door? Am I willing to trust mySelf stepping into the unknown? I have found mySelf becoming and experiencing impatience. No good bad, right or wrong, just a sensation rising up in me, causing agitation in my body, the I AM that I AM saying CHOOSE.
My evolution has happened at a rapid pace, it was intense, and my life looks nothing like it did before, all because I got off the fence. This is not to say there were not moments where I sat for a long time, it’s all part of the journey. For me now, though, sitting only causes me agitation. And the genius of it all is I create the situations for me to see it. I am on a journey to discover all that I can about mySelf. To do that I feel compelled to push my boundaries. Push the beliefs, values and attitudes I have become so accustomed to, constantly asking mySELF,” is this MY truth?” Have I lost my compassion? No Have I become insensitive? No, I am just no longer willing to stand still or to sit on the fence watching life go by, seeing all the possibilities that can exist float by me because I’m afraid to choose. And it’s really simple the only choice I’m not making is am I honouring mySelf or not?
Two new phrases keep popping into my awareness, pick a date and change the illusion. If the ‘reality’ that I am not living is not working the only person with the power to change it is me. This means asking mySelf the hard question, do I want to live or do I want to die? It means me asking others, do they want to live or do they want to die? And being okay with whatever the answer is.
Sitting on the fence is what has gotten us where we are today. Afraid to Be ourselves in every situation because I may offend, or hurt someone. That is no longer my reality. I know it’s all about me, I cannot hurt anyone and vice versa. We can both stand in our truths and be right. Standing edge to edge knowing my stuff is about me and your stuff is about you.
I had to take a breath, I had to check in with mySelf. I’ve noticed I’ve been holding my breath again, holding my breath is an indicator of me sitting on the fence, no breath, no movement, standing/sitting still. So I’m jumping off, getting on with it… no decision is good or bad, and I get to change my mind and switch directions if I try something and it doesn’t feel right. That is the power of living an emerging future, check out the Declaration of Evolution by Intention™ developed by Louise LeBrun, let the words rumble around inside of you and explore what moves by having the tough conversation with yourSELF. Take action on your own behalf, that is what I do, do I piss people off? Maybe. Do people make judgments about me? Probably. Do I care? Not really, because what other people think of me is none of my business, because it’s never about me it’s always about them. So I get to get on with my life and you get to get on or not with yours and here’s the thing, I’ll wave to you as I see you when I walk by, I may stop or I may not, just don’t count on me sitting with you.