These words, ‘Responsibility, Shame, Victim and Safe’ have been surfacing and making their way into my awareness over the last month or so in conversations and in blogs I have been reading. They are the thin and thick veils of a truth rising to the surface, the anchors stopping and sometimes paralyzing us to choose something different for ourselves.
It began with the word ‘Safe’ and the whole new meaning it might have inside of us…to lock away. Then I began to notice the instances where I felt guilt for thinking something or shame for being who I am. My reaction is one of two, defend and protect, or descend deeper into the vault. I recorded an audio blog entitled The Meaning of the word ‘Safe’ so that I could hear the vibration of my words to shift my inner landscape.
Then a friend posted two amazing blogs on ‘Responsibility‘ and they hit close to home on how much I my life I have been the responsible one…the good girl, making sure all the I’s were dotted and the T’s crossed. How I am still engaging that strategy, afraid to tarnish the image I have worked so hard to create. And of course I know it’s all about me. It’s all about the image I have created inside mySelf so that I can look and myself and say…”hey you’re ok!” “you’re a good person and deserve to be loved.” We have all engaged that self talk at one time or another. All that in response to an ongoing deeply held belief based on sublte innuendo of being taught to be ashamed of who we are from a very, very, young age.
Which leads me to the word ‘Victim’. That aspect of myself where I consciously or unconsciously play victim, or use the state of being victim, to manipulate others around me, knowing it will only take me so far. But it’s enough, because it allows me those few moments to be in, and reach, the end state of ensuring that, that aspect of me that I locked away deep inside remains safe, inside ‘the safe’. Don’t you love the English language with all the nuances and multiple meanings words can have.
It is a dance we engage inside ourselves continuously. If we do not have a strong platform from which to stand, we would be lost in the belief that is who we are. I know something different! A different process for BEING. It has been a non stop journey that began eight years ago in a moment of discovering I was depressed and did not even know it. That is how asleep I was.
And in this breath I bring myself to, and into, the present moment. I am AWAKE and yet there so still so many subtle spaces and places inside of me that I am still waking up to. That I am willing to wake up to. It takes courage and a willingness to want to STAY AWAKE and pull ourselves from the depths of the stories created by these words. With each new discovery we create even more capacity to carve out a life that is deeply meaningful, one that sustains growth and evolution. It’s no longer about living a ‘good life’, it’s about evolving into a different state of BEING, an evolution of consciousness.
This all ties in to the blog I wrote earlier entitled The Hunger Within. The hunger to expand and grow beyond what we ‘know’ as our current way of BEING to that of one where we act accordingly to the MASSIVE FORCE we actually are.
Consider taking a moment to let these words rumble through you, through every cell, to feel them, and see where it takes you!
Until the next time!