I have just come off an amazing week-end, spent in the company of 12 strong and powerful women and this is what I now know. For me it is about TRUST. Trusting MY SELF. Of finally letting go of the baggage that I have been carrying around for so long. Of truly just BEING. I hear my SELF when it states I AM the ONE and my struggle is in trusting that fully. Does a little bird stand at the edge of the nest and wonder could I really fly? Or does it trust fully in it’s instinct that says you can fly. And just flies. As human beings we are weighed down by so many thoughts that have been planted on our minds over the years, all of the I can’t, you shouldn’t, that is not right thoughts, and we forgot how to listen to that voice, the signal deep within us that says yes you can, you are the one. That is what I have been bumping up against, trusting that I AM the ONE in my life to make my life whatever I want it to be without having to apologize or explain it to anyone. And I thought I was the only one who struggled with this, and this week-end I reconfirmed I am not alone, I am not the only one who struggles with this and it is a choice, breath by breath as to whether I listen to my Self or not.
My eyes hurt, I have a headache, I am tired. I am tired of seeing through my old eyes, of fighting with my Self, it doesn’t have to be this hard. I KNOW this and yet I continue to hold on to the edge not fully trusting that I can let go and know that I will fly. My body corresponds to the words I write here, sensations moving through me as each thought is appears on the screen, and I breathe through it all, letting it move through me KNOWING I will know something more about my SELF when the wave is gone. It is so ingrained in me, that belief that I can’t do it. Yet time and time again I have shown my Self I can, and do. I don’t have to know how my wings work, I don’t have to know how fast or how slow I have to flap them to stay in the air, I just have to let go and let my Self do what it knows to do. To be who I know myself to be. To speak the truth that I see and hear and feel and know it is my truth and that is all that matters.
And I know I stand in the company of others who, while living in their own world stand with me, beside me and understand the genius in my not letting go just yet and who also know I can fly. And I am inspired as I see them ‘dive’ in and jump off, and soar. And I know it’s not a matter of if I will let go but WHEN I will let go. When will I claim MY life, take ownership for My SELF. These words are my conversation with my SELF, my note to SELF, that it won’t be long. I have nothing to fear.
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