My Women of Intensity group is my sandbox. It’s one of the places I go to stretch, to grow, to learn more about mySelf. A small group of women talking, where I hold the space. I feel the need to write of my experience.
I find myself noticing that I don’t need to know the content, the story, it really is about what is going on inside me. The content is like a scab, covering up what is really underneath. Some might say the scab is a protective shield and it is that too. And I get that my body needs time to process. I don’t always have a reaction on the spot, I need time to digest information. Quite different from how I operated before. I always thought I was quick to process information, in fact it was my mind that was quick in processing, so to speak, my mind was the first out of the gate to reach a decision point. Now I find I am giving mySelf the space I need to process and digest to see how I feel about something. And this is good.
What is coming up for me from my session yesterday is how much content we are trained to need in our lives, the stories we need to create for ourselves in order to keep our lives intact. There was a discussion on my using the term ‘my mind is not my friend’ and how I could perhaps look at it differently, perhaps my mind is my friend, an ally as a way of shifting my energy, from one of battle within mySelf to harmony with mySelf. Yes, I could do that, and I also know that is how I was before, that is what causes my agitation, that my mind is not my friend because it often distracts me from what is really happening with mySelf. My journey is about seeking out mySelf that part of me that has been hidden. That part of me that when I am in full connection guides me without the stories and the angst. It is the stories that make me crazy, and when I stop, and breathe and digest I get my answer and then, and only then do I really have an opportunity to make a choice, to go with what I feel or to go with a decision my mind makes due to past experiences, then I know that there is genius in my choice.
We talked about wanting to help others understand that they have a choice, that they can live differently. And I came to realize and reinforce that I am the only one that can live differently. That by me choosing to live differently people may be curious enough to want to try it too. I cannot help them to understand, I can only be.
I am noticing the intention behind my words, I am noticing that when I AM is present and I allow my presence to be the words that I speak, are for me, a way for me to tell myself something. When I speak to someone with wanting to help them understand something I am trying to influence their life.
We spoke of not wanting to hurt the feelings of others, of not knowing what to say in order to not hurt someone. And again deep within mySelf I know that when I am expressing My experience, My feelings from a breath taken before to ground mySelf, there is always compassion. So if someone is hurt, offended, or mad from what I say it’s about them. That is an opportunity for growth in them, if that is what they choose. I believe I am at a place where I can hold that my truth my not be the truth of another and vice versa. And that’s okay.
So my ladies of WOI I thank you. For without you, and your willingness to play in my sandbox I would not be learning these things about mySelf. I am a different person today than what I was yesterday because, through you, I have allowed another aspect of mySelf to be reveled to me.