At my last WOI a theme kept coming up for one of the women, control, and the need for control and what does control mean? And I have been digesting this notion. Since we live in a holographic universe, if it comes to my attention I should pay attention. So I have been asking mySelf do I still feel the need for control? And control over what? In my mind I know I still struggle with the am I being or doing being? Did you notice that I wrote ‘in my mind’ well that says a whole lot…And that has implications in control. If I am simply ‘being’ then control is not something I should be worried about, yet it has surfaced.
I have been feeding my intellect, reading all sorts of material, the most recent on studies conducted that are proving we are more than what we think we are. About the Zero Point Field and sub atomic particles, and telepathy, about games and other dimensions, all very interesting information and I wonder am I digesting it? Will having and knowing this information help me to let go? To BE? I feel myself wanting to plan, to know what is coming around the corner so that I will be able to complete my apprenticeship. That is how I am choosing to call this part of my journey. I am in unfamiliar territory, there is no outline. And so far I have been propelled forward by mySelf, totally unsure of where it will take me. And yet the need to plan is emerging, that need to gain control. So many forces coming to bear down on me, there are things that have to be done to the house in order for us to get it ready to sell in a year, we need to start thinking about what we need to do in order to build our new home, another adoption opportunity, maybe, how are we going to pay for it all. What if we are chosen and a baby is on the way, how will that impact me and my plans.
And I know this is a game that I am playing with mySelf. I am smiling, because somewhere deep within me I know all I have to do is let go. To BE. to take each moment as it comes, and to breathe. I know I don’t have to worry, worry is a device my intellect uses to distract me. I AM not worried. I know that if I stay in mySelf and trust mySelf I will be fine, just fine. I will get what I need when I need it and not a moment before. Whenever I have tried to ‘control’ things/people in the past it got me nowhere. When I chose for mySelf I was and am always fine, just fine. What is in my control is my choice. And whether or not I choose to choose consciously. Whether I choose to listen to my body when it reacts, to digest the information it gives me in order to move to the other side.
I have let go of control, I can’t help myself. When the need the desire to plan to strategize takes a hold of me now there is no fight, I just smile and say to mySelf that is just a reminder of something that has no bearing now. I choose this moment, what ever this moment brings, because that is all that there is.
Control is on the Newtonian side of the line, I am now living on the quantum side of the line and I have CHOICE.