Written Dec. 29th
As I lay in bed this morning the thought of what is above me and what is below me entered my awareness. Above me I sense the MORE that I AM. The essence of who and what I am is not just contained within my device, my body, this organic biological processor that is known as Lisa. I AM more. I am the potential of whatever I wish to be, waiting patiently to emerge.
I am removed from my day to day world, nestled up in northern Ontario, away from the phones, the hustle and bustle, enjoying the feeling of truly choosing moment by moment. Do I eat, do I nap, do I write, do I read? It has been glorious. It has always been magical for me to be up here, looking out the window and seeing the lake, whether it’s snow covered or not. It’s quiet. So I get to really pay attention to what is going on in my body. I feel each sensation, each twitch, each change of temperature and I have come to realize that things are always moving. Information is constantly in flow. Wow, I wonder how much I have missed when I am at ‘home’ doing what I do. I haven’t really allowed mySelf to slow down like this in a long time.
There is pressure in my head and there is a sensation of what I can only describe as numbness my left bicep. And I know it is all about me becoming more, allowing mySelf to become more. Am I ready? I don’t know? A different place for me to stand, since I have always known in the past if I was ready or not for whatever. Now I don’t know.
What is below? Below, as in, beyond the bottom of my feet. Stability, roots, sense of security. I have been a little off balance during some of my morning exercises, yet I never fall, I always stabilize, especially when I slow things down, take a breath, be present in the moment.
The I AM that I am is neither above or below me, I AM just here, everywhere, my body, this incredible device is what grounds me, keeps me here, present and aware of what is going on IN me and around me. Everything is real and nothing is real. The dreams I have, I am so sure they are real, who is to say it’s not. While I am there interacting with others, it is my reality, in that moment, it’s just as it is now. I am looking out through a device to witness a reality I have created. And I am me even if I don’t look the same. A thought is trying to enter into my awareness, yet it’s not quite there yet. I’m on the edge of something new, something different, so I’m just going to breath.