It’s been a little while and a LOT has been rumbling around inside of me. This summer has seen me move through many waves of information, each building on the one previous, culminating in what can be best described as a massive head cold with lots of congestion, yet I can breath, lots of pressure and lots of coughing when I attempt to speak. Out of everything else, it is the coughing when I speak that has captured my attention.
I had posted on my Facebook fan page my experience of mySelf being with others and not talking, watching everyone and watching, observing, mySelf. When do I speak? Why do I speak? Is it to hear the sound of my own voice. To be honest I have to say sometimes yes. Is it to impart some great insight? Sometimes yes. Or do I speak when I am moved to say something? Moved from a place inside of me. I had a pretty intense conversation with my husband while we were away and what struck me was how little I spoke, not a lot of words, really only speaking when the wave inside of me presented as speech. Not because I felt I had to provide an answer or explain mySelf more like here is where I am in this moment. I had a real sense of no good, bad, right or wrong. We were just being who we were in that moment.
As I write these words the pressure builds in my head, and I know it’s just all information moving. Once again I have my eyes closed, trusting that my fingers know exactly where they need to go t produce the words you see on the screen. The silence from within can be deafening.
When I am silent from within I hear more clearly, like right now I can hear each bird chirping, I can hear the wind as it rustles and stirs through the trees, the sounds of a plane above somewhere, a lawn mower and the list can go on and on and I realize I am all of it. Each sound as it rumbles around inside of me is a part of me and how I react to each produces a wave of information for me to observe.
Silence can have great compassion, and it can be used as a sword. I have done both and lately I have recognized that I am using the sword less and less. On the WEL-Systems® radio show Reclaiming Your Self Women undedited and engaged Louise spoke these words at the end. “Know the difference between choice, habit and expectation.” How often do I speak out of habit or expectation? Lots! Lots when I forget who and what I am and fall back into a doze, not so much when I choose to stay present to mySelf and the words that flow from me come from a different place altogether. It’s a place I can’t get to from my intellect, oh yes she is still strong and demands an explanation when I know I don’t even have to explain things to mySelf.
The silence from withing removes the need for me to explain things, to mySelf! The silence from withing allows me to just BE in the moment, to have whatever information move and be done with it.
I have always loved windy days and I now know why, the wind is silent unless it it moving through trees or making a chime sing or blowing clothes on a line. It can be soft or it can be loud, gentle or forceful and like the wind I am all those things too. To be silent from within is not to be silent at all, for me being silent from within allows me to be still long enough to hear mySelf.