I wrote this blog on Feb 15, 2010.
I had a huge wave move in me this past week-end and it was the result of what I ‘heard’ when I read an email from an associate. And I realize that is what happens, we create exactly what we need. Let me re-phrase that I create exactly what I need. I created and kept creating a situation where, I heard I was being told I was wrong, that I needed to check in with mySelf, that because I held something differently inside of me somehow that made me wrong. And I lost it.
This was old for me, this sensation of not getting it right, that somehow going to the beat of my own drum was not the ‘right’ thing to do. The anger and the rage filled me and at first I did what I always do, tried to distract mySelf. And then I decided to do something different, I chose differently, a green dot moment.
I sat down and wrote to the WEL-Systems® Affiliates about the sensations running through me, about what I was thinking in terms of the story I had made up, I had them bear witness to me in this moment. And then I sent the email, and that’s when it happened, the wave moved and my husband got to bear witness to that. Again, I chose differently, typically I would have gone off somewhere to have the wave move, in the closet, by myself not this time, this time he got to see me bare, raw, staying with mySelf, becoming more. Another green dot moment.
In those few moments, so many layers were peeled away, another aspect of mySelf discovered, brought out for all to see and I became more. And I got it. In that moment, it’s not what you say to me, it’s what I hear. Words are just nominalizations, it is the meaning that I put on them that has impact on my life. The words, the gestures, on their own are meaningless on their own it’s in the experience that sits inside of me, that is where the meaning comes from, that is where my intellect creates the story that I carry around. And I get to choose, do I continue to live the story or do I have it move through me and let it go? Create new space for new awareness’s. In this moment I created new space, will those words hold the same meaning for me the next time I encounter them? I think not, perhaps they will ignite different sensations, or maybe nothing at all, I won’t know until I create it.