Connecting with those we love…
A big part of my work has to do with helping individuals connect more deeply with the people in their life. To begin the process of change I use the term co-create as a way to shift how we look at engaging with others. I do this for two reasons. For me:
- Any word that has ‘ship’ at the end creates an internal story of there is only ever one captain of a ship.
- If there is only ever one captain, then this means that rarely are two people ‘in charge’ at the same time. Hence why mutiny’s occur.
Soooo… what does it mean to co-create differently with another? This can be your partner/spouse/child/parent/sibling/friend/colleague. The question takes me back to the WEL-Systems® Institute Declaration of Evolution by Intention™, which states:
Who we must continue to become:
- Leaders of global transformation
- An opportunity to engage life differently through:
– A call to women to lead and co-create with men differently;
– An invitation for men to relax into new ways of being;
- A ‘wave’ or ‘movement’ for creating living, organic collectives that thrive on the uniqueness of the individual and his/her impact when choosing to ‘Engage!”
The “call” is one that emanates from the inside out. My belief is, both men and women need to redefine how we lead. The word ‘lead’, for me, refers to how we lead ourself, not another. A very different definition from the image of a captain leading a ship. Global transformation begins with transforming how we engage in our day to day world first.
Are you curious?
With this in mind, the next curiosity to arise is, how do we co-create differently with another? The first step is to determine if we are willing to look at the conversations we are having within our self. Translation…”Am I willing to be intimate with mySelf?” I have to admit I didn’t always know how to go about this. Isn’t it natural to know our thoughts and feelings? Not always.
There are many times when I think we really don’t really know what we’re feeling. We get a sensory cue and we label it, like I’m hurt, frustrated, angry, scared, etc… without really knowing why or what lays underneath it. It takes a journey to move beyond the word(s) and focus on the sensation (yikes…what are those????). Not an easy task for someone who lives in their intellect.
Begin to notice…
It begins by starting with the small stuff. To notice the body sensation we attach to the words we speak. For example when I get ‘angry’ it’s usually associated with my cheeks feeling hot, a rush of energy in my chest and my head feeling like it’s going to explode. When I feel ‘anxious’ it’s usually because I feel sweat in my arm pits, a dizzy feeling in my head, and a sinking sensation in my chest. What is it for you?
The Lesson: The most important thing is beginning to notice.
As you begin to explore what is going on inside of you…a spark is lit. You may notice you start getting more curious about what is going on inside of the people you care about. This leads to asking different questions, which leads to different conversations, which leads to new experiences and outcomes.
Intimacy and hidden conversations….
As you begin to form a new relationship with yourself you’re now in a position to shift how you relate to another. In my journey, in order for that to happen, sometimes, I had to take the word relationship off the table. This was key. Why? Because the word came with too many ties, strategies and expectations attached to it. It was the only way to unbind myself from all that I knew, to discover a different way to co-create and BE with another.
This is where intimacy begins to reveal itself.
You discover…when you become willing to reveal the hidden conversations taking place inside your head out loud, they begin to lose the powerful hold on you. To quote Brené Brown, “Shame derives its power from being un-speakable.” Sometime we need to be willing to abandon any expectation of outcome and reveal what we guard so fiercely from our loved ones.
The Lesson: Each time we choose to say what was going on inside our head, and let go of outcomes, we are often taken to places and spaces we never knew existed.
Intimacy and connection go hand in hand…
Intimacy… in to myself…to go within, to connect with the truth of our experience. This is not to be confused with our truth about another. This is all about the truth about you. It takes courage and a willingness to move beyond the chatter to get to what really sits beneath all the habituated strategies and responses we have.
The people in our lives begin to notice something is different. If they too want to change the status quo, and are willing to engage in a different conversation, this becomes the invitation to begin to co-create a new way of engaging.
This is a whole new paradigm of engaging with a partner, mate, spouse, child, parent etc…; where, as each of us chooses to declare what is deeply meaningful, we redefine how to BE with each other.
Lesson: The more intimate and connected we are to our self, the more intimate and connected we can be with others.
Until the next time!
Want to learn how you can create deeper connection and shift how you relate to those you love…connect with me!