Last week I had the honour of holding the space for two men willing to consider another way of BEING for themselves.
Ed and Chris have been in this dance together for two years; engaging in the conversations I have with and for men. Last summer they stepped into Decloaking and Living Authentically and last week they immersed themselves in Engaging and Awakening Others; the densest conversation we will ever be in. The focus; the illusion of the intact family system. It was an incredible journey for me to bear witness and be a part of.
My discoveries will come in a later blog. For now, I want to share what Ed has written.
“The words competition, conformity and shame keep coming up as waves of family history roll through me. In 1972 long hair was a social and political time bomb in my family. Like today, parents were unsure how to view conformity. Taming the non – conformist was often considered good parenting, and still is today.
For my parents, success was considered the objective over living true to who we really are. In order to successfully compete in the world we must conform to an external reality that may, or may not support our true Self. Before age 12 I mostly rejected both, but slowly I came to embrace what was happening “out there.” I now know my desire to compete is the same as my desire to conform, they’re both about feeling accepted.
Today I ask; do I need to compete and conform? What am I scared of? Loneliness? In a world driven by profit I can find externally referenced people mistrusting other people. In a world driven by tribalism I can find externally referenced people blaming other people. I am realizing that my obsession with competition and conformity is to my detriment and can only exist if I allow it.
I am learning that my adhearance to external references of feeling accepted is often based on shame, on what’s right or what’s wrong, on making judgements. I know from practice that the happiest I’ve ever been is when I stop judging myself, but I know I can not stop judging myself, if I can not stop judging others. In this breath I get to choose to show up as my true Self without judgements.
Thanks to Lisa J. Weiss and The Wel-Systems® Institute I have learned to breath first, and then choose, the first 53 years of childhood are over, I can choose for myself to be my Self, or not.“