I’ve been doing my homework in preparation for Manifesting in march and a few thoughts have stuck with me from today’s chapter from Leadership and the New Science, they are; “When the environment shifts and the system notices it needs to change, it always changes in such a say that it remains consistent with itself… a system focused on maintaining itself, producing itself.” For me this means I can never change into someone that is not truly me.
“The presence of a clear identity makes the organization less vulnerable to its environment; it develops greater freedom to decide how it will respond.” Embracing who/what I am will allow me to move through this world safely, not having to be afraid of the external references, or the triggers of my past.
And the most sticky, ” The attempt to manage for stability and to enforce an unnatural equilibrium always lead to far-reaching destruction.”
The last quote sends a sensation through my body that I cannot explain. I think it rocks me to my core. “The attempt to mange for stability and to enforce an unnatural equilibrium always leads to far-reaching destruction.” That is what it’s like to be asleep, at least on my holodeck. That is what happens when I yearn for stability to keep things and people just so. That is what I equate with safety, thinking once I get there I will be safe, and realizing now, that is the path towards a sleeping state and death. That it is the agitation, the sensations, the feelings that keep me alive. It is my NOT stopping the flow of those feelings, agitations and sensations that help me to evolve. That is why I get restless or feel restless, it’s my body always telling me to WAKE UP.
The science makes perfect sense to me and I am not a scientific person. I get it at an intellectual level and as a sensation within myself. I was talking to Louise this week, I so enjoy our conversations, and she mentioned something about being space and yet we feel we can only occupy a small amount of it, not wanting to take up too much. And those words are now echoing in my head, the question… If I am space then how or why would I only want to occupy what amounts to a minute aspect of it? If I am space then I can be as large as I want to be. We also talked about how we fit ourselves into the different boxes we create or that exist, and I get it now. If I am space, if I am the wind I can move around all kinds of spaces and not lose any aspect of who I am. Windy days have always been my favorite kind of days because depending on where I stand it can be as soft as a whisper or a mighty force throwing me off balance and it’s always easier to move with it as opposed to bracing against it.
I have been playing with the sensation of a cold this past week. Noticing when I feel congested, when my throat gets scratchy, when my eyes get tired and asking questions along the way, and not really being sick. Like now, I feel very light headed, in a good way in a way that tells me I’ve made some space, given myself room to move around in. I don’t have to be confined to this body. I’ve heard people express this before, like Naomi, and I didn’t quite understand it at the time. I think I get it now. I am still afraid to get a little to big for my britches and at the same time I know I need to be much larger than I am now and I’m okay to hold onto those two thoughts at the same time to work them through so that they may create something/someone new.