Beginning Again

Feb 1st, 2017 | By | Category: Insights

With each breath I am given an invitation to begin again, if, I am willing to listen to the call from deep within. Sometimes it presents as an insignificant thought, one that I dismiss as something fleeting or unimportant.

Beginning again does not mean throwing out everything that was before. It’s about choosing to make a different choice in this moment, moving mySELF towards a different present moment.

SunriseWe focus so much on our future. On changing what our future might look like based on our past. In this process we move towards a future as a move away from our past.

We forget all that exists is THIS moment.

I have to remember, the choices I make in THIS moment are the choices that changes and shapes my future.

Sometimes choosing to care for mySELF is THE  hardest thing to do. The conflict which arises inside can be excruciating, to want what seems like two polar opposite things at the same time. To engage in a conversation inside, about how choosing mySELF could also mean denying MYSELF sometimes seems like I am living two lives. Knowing which choice to make seems like a no win situation, and sitting in this choice point is beyond uncomfortable.

At tha same time I know and trust that if I created this experience for mySELF there is ‘something’ for me to discover. A new way of being that I have no words for.

Extracting myself  from the boundaries of our cultural conditioning and deeply held beliefs  is not an easy path. Carving out a new place to stand inside my SELF  can be daunting at the best of times.

Choosing to continue on, to push at the edges of my boundaries, because I know there is so much more, even if I just can’t see it in this moment can leave me feeling lost and wanting to hold on to what I know.

Sometimes making choices that remove me from my uncomfortableness, looking for ways  to distract myself from mySELF, to stop the process of inquiry, and bypass the tough conversation and reveal my truth as complex as it may seem is not easy.

The complexity of truth lies in the judgement we hold of ourSELF based on how we think others will judge us.

Until the next time!

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  1. Reading this post was like you were extracting the thoughts from my mind. The conflict of choosing and the desire for two things that seem in total contrast has been ever present this week. Perhaps the concept of gaining or losing, ‘denying myself’ comes, as you say, from how we try to change our future as a way of moving away from our past. Feeling like we need to give something up in order to achieve a change, instead of attempting to make new choices within our current circumstance as a way to bring about change. Maybe the fear of facing the consequences of change in our current reality is too strong so we need to start over and throw everything out
    Thank you for sharing.

  2. Thank you for your comment and insight into your journey Tim.

    Yes, we are raised in an either or culture. No one teaches us about the AND, or that we have the capacity to hold what seems like diametrically opposed wants.

    Fear of consequences resonates…and the fear sits in the ‘story’ we tell ourselves. I have come to trust that I am always moving mySELF towards my greatest SELF even when I can’t see two feet in front of me.

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